McCain Campaign Continues to Shelter Palin from Real People Who Have Real Questions About Her Qualifications to Lead

Under the very close guard and control of dozens of lethally armed men in dark suits and sunglasses, Christoextremist candidate for vice president, Sarah Palin, delivered a very well orchestrated speech at a Republican retirement community just outside Disneyworld on Sunday, proving once again that she is capable of reading out loud while moving her lipstick. Members of the press as well as the general public were forbidden from asking Ms Palin any questions so as not to expose further her complete lack of qualifications and knowledge that many believe are required to run the United States without risking global financial catastrophe or a full-scale nuclear conflagration.

Activist Judge Installed by Bush-Cheney Junta Attempts to Engage in Prior Restraint of the Press to Protect Money Launderers in the Caymen Islands

The popular web site Wikileaks has been permanently ordered off the internet by an apparently insane and corrupt judge in California. The sole effect of the judge's order can be seen here. Fortunately, the internet itself as well as the Wikileaks site were designed specifically to thwart attempts at censorship, and the insane judge was only able to shut off one specific URL for what will most certainly end up being a very temporary amount of time. The entire Wikileaks site, including all US- and Caymen Island-specific content can still be read here, here, and here. Without defense attorneys for Wikileaks present and and apparently satisfied that twenty-four hours' notice via email was sufficient, the judge, who was installed by the Bush-Cheney junta [go figure], signed the unconstitutional injunction that had been written by plaintiff's attorneys from a "bank" with branches only in Switzerland and the Caymen Islands. Read all the sordid details from Wikileaks yourself.

Bush Appointee at HUD Attempts to Extort the City of Brotherly Love

The Inky's lead story today informs us that the Bush-Cheney junta's man who is temporarily in charge of HUD attempted to extort Philadelphia's Housing Authority to give up valuable land intended for new public housing. The junta's guy, Alphonso Jackson, thought the land could be better used by a wealthy financial supporter of the Bush-Cheney junta. Considering the fact that Bush and Cheney are both still free men after committing dozens and dozens of high crimes and misdemeanors that include starting an illegal war in which over 80,000 innocent people have lost their lives, it is not anticipated that Jackson will be subject to any sort of justice in the this life.

Can You Say President Fuckabee?

Fuckabee. Fuckabee! FUCKABEE! As fun as that epithet would be to toss around casually in conversation for the next four years (and possibly four more), an actual Fuckabee junta would most likely be anything but fun for those unfortunate enough not to have been born practicing heterosexual Christian extremists.

Republicans Suffer Increased Risk for Psychologic Denial

Gallup has all the details.

Republicans don't want middle class kids to have health insurance

George Bush is against government spending when it helps middle and low income families maintain health insurance for their children. He is in favor of government spending when it is to be wasted on a hopelessly futile, unjust war that he dishonestly misrepresented to a skeptical nation in order to obtain its assent to [attempt to] wage.

Fox promises to watch hen house more closely

The Post informs us today that the US State Department has issued a promise to monitor its Blackwater security mercenaries more closely as they attempt to ensure the safety of US diplomats in a hostile civil war zone with bullets. Blackwater corporation is privately owned by wealthy donors to the Bush-Cheney junta, which is why it comes as no surprise that security cameras will soon be installed in all mercenary combat vehicles.

Christoextremists Concerned That Fred Thompson May Let Federalism Get In The Way Of Bigotry

MSNBC has a story about Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson going to seek the blessing of some christoextremists who have hijacked and held hostage the national Republican party for the past dozen or so years. Tompson believes that GLBT folks are second-class citizens at best, and he believes in using the apparatus of government to discriminate against and financially penalize them. The only problem the christoextremists have with his position is that he does not believe the US needs a constitutional amendment to prevent the federal and state governments from recognizing the existence of gay marriages. He would prefer instead to tamper with the basic constitutional framework of checks and balances between three supposedly equal branches of government by enacting an amendment that would infringe upon the constitutional authority of judges to rule that laws violate the constitution. The best part is, this means all those states that have already approved the amendment to prevent government recognition of gay and lesbian marriages will have to start all over again with new campaigns of bigotry.

America's Illegitimate President Moves Goal Posts

In a vain attempt to obscure the measurable effects of the humanitarian disaster he has created in Iraq, the de facto but illegitimate president of the United States announced plans yesterday to stop monitoring factors that might make it appear as if His War is anything less than a stellar success.

Bitter Soon-To-Be Former Senator Contemplates Dragging Things Out

Apparently heading the advice of Arlen Specter regarding the application of Scottish jurisprudence to his current dilemma, Formerly Closeted Gay Republican Senator Larry Craig announced yesterday via a "crisis management" PR firm that he may not resign after all. He is quoted as saying, "I spent last night polishing my breastplate of righteousness. It seems a shame not to put it on and parade around like a frothing bigot just one last time."

Never Boring

Arlen Specter has an interesting take on the plight of his openly not gay collegue Sentaor Craig. He explains his deft application of Scottish jurisprudence in this instance by relying on his experiences with the topic as Philadelphia District Attorney.

Democrats, who control the Pennsylvania House of Representatives by one vote, are urging their fellow partisans to pester the Republicans, who control the Pennsylvania Senate by a slim margin, not to fail to fund the Jonas Salk Legacy Fund, which could create thousands of decent jobs in the healthcare and biomedical research sector of the Commonwealth's victorian but plucky economy as well as help cure devastating diseases such as cancer and Alzheimer's disease. Republcan spokesdemons say, "Not only is failing to act a good way to screw the poor in need of decent jobs, it's also a conveniently indirect and underhanded way to support the Bush-Cheney junta's opposition to stem cell research, which is incredibly unpopular amongst voters in this rapidly aging state. But no, wait, the best part is, it actually makes it easier for Baby Jesus to smite people afflicted with horrible diseases by preventing the discovery of so-called cures, which we believe are actually nothing more than spells cast by witches."

FAUX News Moves Quickly to Distort the Truth, Again

During Valerie Plame’s testimony to Congress today, FAUX News cut off her audio feed and replaced it with a hostile editorial voiceover by Robert Novak, certified dickhead. In not so few words, he accused her of lying under oath because she has donated money to Democratic political candidates in the past.