Open Wide

Open Wide

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Condoleezza Liezzalot Is a Big Fat Liar [And Her Pants Are On Fire]

You know you're doing a bad job when Jimmy Carter, however politely and indirectly, calls you a liar [or by implication an incompetent tool who isn't completely informed about one of the most important issues facing the government department she is supposed to be leading].

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Here's Why You Might Not Have Seen Many Hillary Canvassers

As part of its election issue coverage, Citypaper has included narratives from undercover reporters they sent to volunteer for the local offices of the Clinton and Obama campaigns. My favorite part was the answer the reporter volunteering for Clinton got when he asked to canvass in West Philly: "We avoid areas where there are security concerns." [DOES THAT INCLUDE IRAQ???, to whence Senator Clinton voted with the Bush-Cheney junta either cynically, willfully ignorantly, or implausibly naïvely to deploy hundreds of thousands of our troops with probably disastrous global consequences.] I wonder if they considered the possibility of being sued à la Food Lion? Don't the Clintons know a lot of trial lawyers? I'm just happy we're not discussing more important issues...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Retirement Home Located for Dick Cheney

It will imbue to the concept of assisted living with new and pregnant meaning.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I'm not going to write much about this so Ken can keep reading.

The Bush-Cheney Junta Really Wants You and Your Children to Breathe Dirty Air

The Bush-Cheney junta has succeeded, mostly by appointing unqualified political lackeys to very important positions, in politicizing the Environmental Protection Agency in much the same way they politicized the Department of Justice, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the Federal Emergency Management Agency. During the repressive rule of the Bush-Cheney junta, American citizens have been subject to an EPA that instead of serving to protect their physical environment as intended is being used to promote big business and the toxic products it purveys [when the products themselves could be made nontoxic with a little elbow grease and some deep thoughts, but of course that would require reinvesting profits instead of sucking them out of our economy and sequestering them in offshore tax havens].

Monday, April 7, 2008

Guns Don't Kill People

God does (to punish them for doing stupid, selfish things like aiding and abetting the NRA in its never-ending quest to devalue all human life in the name of scared, straight guys who are obsessed with their own sexual shortcomings).

Hugo Chavez Provides Bush-Cheney Junta With an Excellent Pretext for an Invasion of Venezuela

It's a good thing the Bush-Cheney junta is not well known for keeping up with the European press. Otherwise, they'd know all about this article in Spiegel detailing the contents of recently killed FARC rebel leader Raul Reyes' laptop, which was recovered from a FARC jungle encampment two miles inside Venezuela following a recent international incident. Not only does the laptop contain the particulars of FARC blow-smuggling routes that the US military has been unable to suss since the early 80s, it also contains all the sordid details of financial and military links between the FARC and Hugo Chavez himself. What? Not enough scandal for one laptop? Okay, here's a bonus: the laptop also contained enough details to track down 30 kg of missing uranium presumed to be intended for manufacturing armor-piercing projectile weapons for use by the FARC. It is widely believed that when this information finally comes to the attention of the Bush-Cheney junta, they will insist that the uranium was intended for the manufacture of an atom bomb.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

If the Bishop Were a Witch, She'd Say, "I'm Meltinnngggg....."

One of the Inky's lead stories this morning describes one of the biggest contractions of the Roman Catholic Church in our nation's history. Despite the fact that the population of South Jersey is growing rapidly, the church just announced plans to eliminate almost half of its parishes there because it is unable to attract enough new priests or stop a decades-long hemorrhage of existing parishioners. The church has been severely out of touch with the reality of day-to-day life for most of its parishioners in the anglophonic world since at least the 16th Century. In the past few decades, this gulf between the church's hierarchical, all-male leadership and its parishioners has grown increasingly wider for several obvious reasons that include [but are certainly not limited to] several thousand cases of sexual abuse of children by clergy and the ensuing attempted cover-ups, the selection of a rabidly homophobic and misogynist pope who was at one time a member of the Hitler Youth, and a refusal to allow the use [or even discussion] of various humane and safe prophylactic modalities to prevent life-threatening diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

Friday, April 4, 2008

US Forest Service Is Wasting Money Looking for Producers of Legal Medicinal Marijuana

ABC News is reporting that the US Forest Service, which is suffering under the temporary control of an unqualified political lackey appointed by the Bush-Cheney junta, has wasted over $100,000 US (about 500 Euro or $12.50 Canadian) on an areal surveillance drone of limited technological capabilities intended to search for marijuana plants in a state whose citizens have voted democratically to legalize marijuana for medicinal use. The use of this drone clearly illustrates how the Bush-Cheney junta has sunk to a new low in its disdain for the United States Constitution, Bill of Rights, and the rule of law. Instead of limiting their illegal domestic surveillance to attempting to prevent terrorist attacks, the Bush-Cheney junta is now apparently asserting through its actions that is has the right to conduct illegal surveillance with the sole purpose of countermanding the democratic decisions of one of the US's most populous states, which also just happens to have voted against the Bush-Cheney junta during the last "election." The fact that the citizens of the State of California reached the decision to legalize medicinal marijuana to alleviate suffering of those with chronic, debilitating, and terminal illnesses appears also appears to be lost on members of the junta.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Jay Leno Is Irrelevant and Should Be Treated As Such

This caught me by surprise. I didn't realize anyone watched the Tonight Show, let alone gay people like Armistead Maupin. Dave is just funnier.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

American College Students Banned from Withholding Personal Contact Information from Military Recruiters

In a clearly desperate attempt to maintain troop levels more than five years into an ill-conceived, ill-fated, illegal, and disastrous invasion of Iraq, the Defense Department has dreamed up a new, superdraconian interpretation of existing draconian regulations that clearly interfere with the free speech rights of every employee of every university in the country that receives any federal funding whatsoever. If the DOD gets its way, students who request that their respective universities withhold personal academic, demographic and contact data (such as academic interests, home addresses, and unlisted phone numbers) from military recruiters will have to have that data withheld from ALL prospective employers, even if those students specifically request that that information is withheld only from military recruiters. The DOD is very well known in the United States for its discriminatory and unfair treatment of gay and lesbian citizens. It is unclear why it has become so intent on obtaining the personal data of many folks it would never hire because of its own discriminatory and abusive policies.