Open Wide

Open Wide

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Democrats In Congress Roll Over for the Bush-Cheney Junta One More Time

The Washington Post is reporting that the Bush-Cheney junta and Congress have worked out a tentative government bailout plan for wealthy Americans who invested heavily and recklessly on Wall Street. Although the plan puts small limits on the golden parachutes of executives who ran their firms into the ground, it does nothing to help working class Americans caught up in the foreclosure crisis, which many believe is the root cause of the national financial crisis.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

First Presidential Debate Makes Clearer What Some of Us Already Knew

During last night's presidential debate, John McCain did an excellent job of projecting the image of a cranky, misinformed, narrow-minded, older straight white guy who can't think beyond his anger at the fact that the world and most of the people on it have changed around him despite his static position of inherited wealth and the power it can buy–most likely while he was napping. He is the kind of guy I would avoid sitting next to at a diner counter or corner bar so as not to ruin a good meal and/or beer with psycho-socio-racial-pathic heterosexist bile that should have been vented to a paid therapist in the Twentieth Century. When pressed by the moderator to answer a specific question about the economy with specific proposals rather than general campaign slogans, he recites the polysyllabic names of former Soviet naval ports, proving only that some cells in his brain containing memories from the 70s and 80s are still alive. He can't pronounce the name of the current, elected leader of Iran and becomes visibly annoyed when circumstances force him to make an attempt. I wouldn't trust him to conduct me safely through any of Philly's rougher neighborhoods after midnight without unnecessary gunfire and bloodshed, let alone to conduct two wars [one of which is completely illegal and counterproductive] in my name and allegedly on my behalf.

In addition to his poor and unsurprising performance in the debate, McCain has previously made clear his intention to prolong the Republican and Christian extremist-orchestrated suspension of our Constitution and Bill of Rights in order to continue the proactive denial of basic human rights to all non-heterosexual Americans, which he did not make any attempt to recant last evening. Before the debate, that was the deal-breaker for me. Now I don't feel so much like a one-issue voter.

I wish Obama would have been a little bit more assertive, but I agree with most of the specific proposals on his web site, which means I'll still vote for him. I suspect at this point he'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar anyways.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Help Slow Down the McCain-Palin Cabal With Ghost Contribution

Go to this online contribution link for the McCain-Palin cabal and enter garbage data. It will waste their time and money. And the best part is, they'll think you were referred by Matt Drudge's blog. If this doesn't sound like enough fun for you, see if you can do it using only obscenities or Obama campaign memes.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Neoconservative Fiscal Policy Declared Dead on FAUX News

According the Old Gray Lady, on Sunday the Bush-Cheney junta's Secretary of the "Treasury," Henry M. Paulson, Jr, made a very interesting statement while shilling for a taxpayer-funded bailout of wealthy investment bankers and those who ensured them that does nothing to help economically distressed, lower income homeowners who struggle daily to obtain the basic necessities of life such as potable water, food, fuel, and shelter.
“I hate the fact that we have to do it, but it’s better than the alternative,” Mr. Paulson said on “Fox News Sunday.”
Translation: admitting ideological defeat is better than allowing the situation to deteriorate to the point that my friends and I might not be able to keep our entire unfair share of wealth indefinitely.

McCain Campaign Continues to Shelter Palin from Real People Who Have Real Questions About Her Qualifications to Lead

Under the very close guard and control of dozens of lethally armed men in dark suits and sunglasses, Christoextremist candidate for vice president, Sarah Palin, delivered a very well orchestrated speech at a Republican retirement community just outside Disneyworld on Sunday, proving once again that she is capable of reading out loud while moving her lipstick. Members of the press as well as the general public were forbidden from asking Ms Palin any questions so as not to expose further her complete lack of qualifications and knowledge that many believe are required to run the United States without risking global financial catastrophe or a full-scale nuclear conflagration.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Reason Number 48 to Vote McCain-Palin

Despite what the Constitution and Bill of Rights say, you think it is a good idea to use the secret service to prevent American citizens who happen to disagree with the president and his surrogates from exercising their right to assemble and protest peacefully.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Reason Number 49 to Vote McCain-Palin

You think the best way to combat homelessness is to elect people who have lost count of their houses.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Reason Number 50 to Vote McCain-Palin

You would like to live in a country in which the new vice president ushers in an era of change by removing all the offensive and Satanic books from the Library of Congress.

Ganymede's Ghost Begins New Feature

Beginning this evening and continuing daily until the second Tuesday in November, Ganymede's Ghost will be providing one unique reason to vote for McCain and Palin in the upcoming US presidential election. In the event of travel beyond the corporeal plane of existence or the internet [which some people still do intentionally], more than one reason will be supplied on the day prior to travel [or the day after return].

Sunday, September 7, 2008

How Does One Attempt to Convince a Racist to Vote for Obama?

According to prominent Democrats campaigning with Joe Biden in Northeast Philadelphia, they tell them Obama's mother was white so perhaps he can see both sides of the issue, which in its current mortifying incarnation could determine the next President of the United States. It is also possible that these newly registered Democrats will end up determining the outcome.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

John "Maverick" McCain Selects a Bigotted Psycho Nazi Jesus Freak for His Running Mate

Her name is Sarah Palin, and she believes that American women should cede control of their genitalia and reproductive organs to a cabal of straight, white, male, hypocritical perverts in Washington who have become obsessed with controlling the sexual behavior of a nation of nearly 300 million people in order to make it conform to their own warped superstitious beliefs[, which allegedly have something to do with orthodox Christianity]. She believes that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people are less than human and do not deserve the equal protection of our legal system. She [is rumored to have] faked her seventeen-year-old daughter's first pregnancy by pretending it was her own fifth pregnancy and has now coerced that same daughter into bearing a second [or first] child before she is old enough to vote and into marrying its adolescent, teen-aged father under planetary public scrutiny. She is opposed to birth control. She thinks it's ethical to shoot wolves and bears from airplanes for state-subsidized sport, and she spent almost half a million dollars of those same federal subsidies illegally attempting to influence the outcome of an Alaskan referendum on that same issue. She spent federal subsidies instead of Alaskan tax dollars, which would also be illegal, because Alaska receives more federal money than its citizens pay in federal taxes than any other state and could never exist as a populated American territory if it were not for those diverted tax dollars, which are excised from the hard-working and economically productive citizens of places like New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, Rhode Island, and Delaware. Sarah Palin is also willing to allow beluga whales and polar bears go extinct if it means we can prolong our nation's unhealthy addiction to fossilized dinosaur shit for a few more weeks or months. She is a former "beauty queen," and her executive political experience is limited to running a state with fewer people than most campgrounds in the Northeast regularly accommodate on summer holiday weekends with less environmental damage (and also without the benefit of federal subsidies). There are no links in this post because no one could make this shit up.