Open Wide

Open Wide

Thursday, May 31, 2007



Monday, May 28, 2007

Homeland "Security" Inappropriately Targets Gay, Lesbian, and Environtmentally Concerned Americans for Intimidation and Harassment


Apologists for the United States' pathetic and deplorable slide into fascism [and especially for allowing the Bush-Cheney junta to get away with election fraud twice] would like to explain away this web page as the ramblings of a bigoted Alabaman whose internet user privileges need to be curtailed. The page was pulled down after a minor hubbub began to swirl around it on the web. [Of course, most corporate "news" outlets ignored the story until the existence of widely read independent bloggers made that impossible.] Ganymede's Ghost obtained the copy shown above from a Google cache after simply searching the Alabama Homeland Security URL for the word gay. It was the only hit despite the fact that they tried to remove it. Having just been singled out for antigay harassment by a homeland "security" associate myself [for the putative offences of wearing a belt and forgetting to remove my keys and iPod from my pockets at an airport checkpoint] over a thousand miles away from Alabama in the birthplace of our liberty, I suggest that this web page is indicative of a national policy directive that is not yet widely publicized.

The Opposite of Calamari

Swarms of giant squid have begun to congregate just offshore from LA, apparently waiting for the Big One to drop a human hors d'oeuvres tray.

Attention Contact Lens Wearers

An article in today's Old Gray Lady explains why your contact lenses may be bothering you. This eMedicine article explains what can happen if you ignore the infection and it becomes systemic.

Christoextremists Finally Right a Massive Injustice

The Bible is true–every single word–including the part about the dinosaurs fitting inside Noah's ark. If you need to see it for yourself to beleive it, go here. By the way, we are all descended from incestualizers.

Dick Cheney Is Full of Shit

Responding to a shortage of virgin unicorn blood, doctors seem to have discovered that pumping Dick Cheney full of shit has slowed the process believed to be turning him into a giant blood clot. We may all rejoice in the fact the process has been slowed down enough to allow him to continue the Bush-Cheney junta's assualt on the rule of law.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Wondering Whether to Buy Groceries or Gas this Month?

Don't forget you'll need some gas to get to the store and to transport your groceries home. MoveOn has a petition you can sign. They're lobbying Congress to end special tax breaks for Big Oil, pass antiprice-gouging legislation, and to ensure that existing antitrust laws are enforced and applied.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Not Quite Hell With the Lid Off Anymore


Either Dickens was wrong about Pittsburgh, or they've cleaned things up quite a bit since his last visit. Aside from the fact that we came here to visit a relative in the hospital, we had a very nice time. The Arbors B&B was clean, comfortable, situated in a beautiful location atop a hill overlooking a wooded ravine, and run by a very friendly and helpful innkeep. The Eagle is only a mile and a half away (five minutes by car, and they have THREE free parking lots; try to find that on one of the coasts). Last night's entertainment was a very entertaining, slightly postmodern drag show. The cover was $5, and top shelf drinks were less than $5.

Hands Up!

If you're not surprised to read that the guns used in nineteen recent Philadelphia murders were reintroduced into illicit circulation after being seized by Upper Darby Township cops. The Inky has the whole sordid story on today's online front page. The mentally challenged pigs apparently thought it would be a good idea to raise some petty cash by unloading the firearms they seized from local criminals at a local pawn shop [where the criminals could easily get them back after making a donation to a local Republican business man].

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

GURRRL, I Can't Believe You Just Stabbed That Guy Dozens of Times and Then Set His Corpse on Fire, Burning Down His House in the Process

It's like a gay Wonderland in Northeastern Pennsylvania (NEPA), just not quite so glamourous. Unsubstantiated rumours from a high-ranking source in the gay gossip community of NEPA allege that Cuadra was first photographed by Kocis in sexually explicit roles prior to the age of eighteen.

Thank You Goddess for Smoting the Great Orgy Inhibitor

TMZ says it best. My only quibble is that they fail to mention the impending real estate crash in Hell.

Nutter Wins!

Last night Michael Nutter decisively won Philadelphia's Democratic mayoral primary, proving that an early endorsement from Ganymede's Ghost can go a long way. The Daily News has already put together a to-do list for him [since winning the general election will be a formality]. Did you just hear Sam Katz fart?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

New Theory Explains Colony Collapse Disorder: Beetle Yeast

According to this abstract, a possible or probable cause of CCD is the small hive beetle, an invasive species that evolved as a parasite of African honey bees. This beetle was [accidentally, I hope] introduced into Florida in 1998 and can now be found as far away as Pennsylvania. It invades hives, feeds on pollen and brood, contaminates honey with its feces, and leaves behind a species of yeast that grows on the pollen and produces a honey-bee alarm pheromone that attracts more beetles and eventually causes the bees to abandon the hive. And we thought mice and roaches were annoying. Compared to African honey bees, European honey bees are much less responsive to the alarm pheromone produced by the beetle fungus, and the researchers think that the bees might not respond to an infestation of the beetles until it is too late [and their only option is to go take showers in a motel and then set up a new, clean, spacious ferral hive in someone's attic].

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Huge Rasping Noise Heard As Democratic Machine Encounters Unexpected Resistance

In Philadelphia's fourth council district, from which the beloved Mike Nutter resigned to run for mayor [and Ganymede's Ghost is usually blogged], there is a tight three-way race between Carol Ann Campbell, Matt McClure, and Curtis Jones, Jr. Campbell is a giant cog the city's Democratic Machine and was installed by it after Nutter's resignation. She and her PACs are under investigation by the city's ethics board [and apparently not one single photo of her exists in which she does not appear extremely corrupt and contemptuous]. Jones seemed like a decent candidate who wanted to be perceived as following in Chaka Fattah's footsteps, but then he took a verbal swipe at McClure in the form of a [not even funny] race-class joke confusing Harvard University with Haverford Avenue [and implying that McClure, who happens to be white and not to have attended Harvard, would be unable to relate to constituents with differing skin colors and economic needs].

All these developments make it easy for Ganymede's Ghost to endorse Matt McClure for city council's fourth district. McClure is also the only candidate who has expressed any concern for the future of the Fairmount Park system, and I think he would be least likely to endorse raising taxes for any reason, a move that would drive the middle and working classes out of the city faster than they are already fleeing.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Tony Blair is resigning [and so may Scotland].
This phenom almost went over my head, but then Stacy brought it to my attention. Thanks.

Nutter Takes Double-Digit Lead in Polls

I was very happy to see this on the front page of today's Inky. Apparently, an early endorsement from Ganymede's Ghost can help a lot. I'm also happy because my fellow citizens seem to be disregarding race during this election like they have never done previously.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

The Gates of Hell are located in South Jersey.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

LA Cops Respond With Disproportionate Force

And a happy effen May Day to you, too. Apparently, a few dozen troublemakers, in a crowd of thousands demonstrating for fair legal treatment of economic migrants, started trouble with the cops and messed things up for everybody. Still. Two wrongs don't make a right, and the LA cops look very wrong. These scenes are especially disturbing to me because I've seen MacArthur park on what would pass for a better day in downtown LA, and it's very close [by LA's car-dependent standards] to the homes of two close friends.

Antiwar Rally Photos from Yesterday

I'll start with the sign/banner awards:

Most original,
________________________

most humorous,
________________________

and most sobering.
________________________

Unlike some other major cities, our folks in blue aren't so uptight [not so quick to trade in the blue for riot gear and shows of force when a few people who disagree with the Bush-Cheney junta have a public assembly].

When trying to influence public opinion, it's always better [in my humble opinion, which is based on the golden rule] to entertain commuters rather than inconvenience them [or blow them up]. Most of the folks you see in this photo showed up on bike, foot, and public transit and did not block traffic. Motorists of all different walks of life [except for three very angry white men who gave us the finger] responded mostly with honks, waves, peace signs, right-ons!, or they simply continued to talk on their phones, not noticing us at all [thanks Goddess for the big curbs and bright white lines down the middle of the road]. We got a few curious stares and blank looks—mostly from folks in dark Mercedes sedans with Jersey plates—strange that.

Some folks feel more strongly than others, which is still legal in Philadelphia. I don't know if we accomplished more than cheering up some commuters, but it's better than working late or staying home and doing nothing.
I'm glad William Penn was able to join us. He was a pacifist, too.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

I'm Not Sure If This Will Help, But I Feel The Need To Try

According to MoveOn.org, there will be hundreds of emergency veto rallies across the country today to protest the president's impending veto of a military spending bill that requires him to begin extricating our family members in the troops from the sectarian disaster he has allowed to unfold in Iraq. I plan to attend the rally on the northwest corner of Center Square (Philadelphia City Hall) at 5:15 today with my friend Jason [with whom I was planning to attend the Night of a Thousand Stevies in a few short weeks—until I saw the "film" that started it all, Gypsie 83, which was an entertaining movie even though it inaccurately stereotyped Pennsylvania and its inhabitants in several ways].

So anyway, if you go to a rally [here's where to find one more convenient for you if Center City doesn't work], bring pots, pans, noisemakers, and creative signs. The one in Center City will convene at Center Square and proceed down Market to Senator Specter's office at 6th and Market in the square brown [appropriate color choice if you like bullshit] federal office building. He's been saying he wants to bring our family members in the troops home as soon as possible and that Congress must hold the executive branch constitutionally accountable, but he continues to vote for the Bush-Cheney junta's profoundly flawed policies that were formulated on cynical lies and distortions intended only to enrich materialistically his cronies in certain military-industrial sectors of the economy. Strangely, local corporate media outlets have been ignoring this dishonest behavior. The organizers of today's rally intend to change that.