Open Wide

Open Wide

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Drug-Sniffing Dog Becomes Latest Victim of War on Civil Liberties

An innocent Springer Spaniel named Max who was used by a police department in Devon (the one in southern Britain) to violate the human rights and civil liberties of people who chose to possess recreational drugs has been euthanized after coming down with an extremely rare and aggressive nasal tumor. Although there is no scientifically demonstrated link between nose candy and nose cancer, Max's vet refuses to rule it out as a potential cause since this type of cancer is so rare in dogs, and Max spent most of his life inhaling things most dogs normally don't. Max's owner, a cop named Ispector Higgins, is quoted in the Telegraph saying,

He was a fighter until the end and always very dignified. He has had a good life and a successful one as a police dog. Just think of all the bad people he managed to put away.

"Bad people." Hm. That's a loaded statement. While I'm very sorry for Inspector Higgins' loss, I would like to point out that Max might [would probably] be here now if he hadn't been trained and used on a daily basis to violate the privacy of people who are obeying all the laws of common sense [by not doing things that victimize other living beings]. No one has the moral authority to tell other mentally competent and consenting adults what they may or may not smoke, snort, swallow, inject or otherwise ingest in the privacy of their own homes. The "War on Drugs" is a transparent farce--an excuse for corrupt and fearful governments to assert physical control over their populations. It is also a massive and perverse monument to the power of corporate pharmaceutical, alcohol, and tobacco lobyists. Max is its latest innocent victim. His life could have been much more fulfilling if he had died of tumor caused by sniffing explosive residues.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I like the guy who screamed, "God DAMN America!" better

It appears as though president-elect Barrack Obama has begun to sell out the Queer community before he even takes office with the careful selection of a raving bigot to deliver an incantation at his official inauguration. Rick Warren, leader of a superstition-based organization near LA dedicated to the legal subjugation of lesbian and gay people often referred to as a "megachurch" by the corporate media, will attempt to lead our nation in an organized superstitious ritual during the inauguration of our next president. Plans for a public protest have not yet been formalized.

Friday, December 5, 2008

King of Luxembourg gets to keep his money

I don't understand much Luxembourgese, but I think this means that his official role is being changed from figurehead to hood ornament.

Here's another reason to love Philly

We almost never have dull news days.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Response to passage of Propostion 8 continues to grow nationwide

In California, another legal complaint was filed today because it is believed that the Mormons did not properly and legally report all money and labor that they donated to the political cause of persecuting gay and lesbian families in California. The California Supreme Court also appears to be taking the legal challenges to Prop 8 that have already been filed very seriously. Meanwhile, California Attorney General Jerry Brown appears visibly aged since November 5th. Perhaps he is losing sleep over the prospect of having to defend Prop 8 in court while also defending the validy of all the same-sex marriages performed between May and now? To complicate matters further, county clerks across the state are unclear on when or whether to stop issuing same-sex marriage licenses, and some appear to have made the decision based on subjective criteria. None appear to have made the decision in coordination with any other.

A nationwide protest planned for tomorrow, November 15, continues to attract national media attention. A "No-Gays-for-a-Day" nationwide protest is in the works for Friday, December 5, and Kathy Griffin has agreed to headline since her show is not airing on the planned date nor does she have any live gigs scheduled [and presumably her quote was met]. She plans on spending that day in the private company of Cher and Bette Midler.

In a less positive development, envelopes containing a "suspicious white powder" that turned out to be a "harmless substance" arrived in the mail yesterday at openly Mormon temples in LA and Salt Lake City. It is not known whether authorities are investigating the possibility that the envelopes were mailed by a Mormon (or Mormons) intent on making the LGBT community look bad (like that woman in Pittsburgh who carved a backwards B on her face and then falsely claimed to have been assaulted by an Obama supporter on the Drudge Report just before the election). After living in this country for thirty-eight years and paying attention to the news for about thirty, my best educated guess is that they aren't investigating that possibility, nor have they even entertained it. The authorities will, however, almost certainly use this episode as justification for further government encroachment on human and civil rights, especially in certain minority communities. Regardless of who sent them, the envelopes did cause the Mormons to temporarily divert money and labor that would otherwise have been spent persecuting gay and lesbian people, so I guess you could still say that every cloud has a silver lining [and maybe even magic underwear].

Monday, November 10, 2008

Passage of Prop. 8 in California catalyzes nationwide protests and resistance

It is now very clear that Proposition 8 was approved by California voters by a margin of 4.6%. This ballot proposition reclassifies gay and lesbian Californians as second-class citizens by reinstating a ban on same-sex marriages that was ruled unconstitutional by the California Supreme Court in May of 2008. This ban effectively withholds over one thousand special rights, responsibilities and privileges from up to 10% of the state's population. It is legally unclear whether the proposition will retroactively annul the tens of thousands of same-sex marriages that have been performed since the court decision that legalized them. It is also legally unclear whether the proposition will withstand numerous legal challenges that have already been filed against it.

The proposition passed with no small amount of financial and volunteer help from Christian extremists, many of whom, such as the Mormons in Utah and the all-male [wink] Roman Catholic hierarchy in the Vatican City, reside far beyond California's borders. Local nondenominational megachurches in California also contributed money and volunteer time to legally attacking the human rights of their own neighbors. If you'd like to know whether anybody in your hometown abetted this latest example of tyranny of the majority that will permanently stain American history books, you can search this database by specific name or browse a list of contributors by state and/or city. Hmmm, it appears that a John Templeton, Jr of Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, president of the Templeton Foundation, felt so strongly in favor of persecuting gay and lesbian families in California that he donated a honking $450,000 twice. Must have a been a good year for him.

In GLBT communities across the United States, reaction to the passage of this punitive and ambiguously worded proposition has been unexpectedly swift, assertive, widespread, and well attended. The international press has even taken notice. Protesters appear to be focusing their resistance on the Christian extremists who made this theft of human rights their latest crusade in a long, ultimately unsuccessful series of reactionary attempts to force those whose behavior they take issue with because it violates some of their superstitions to live the way they do.

If you'd like to protest Proposition 8 yourself, you are invited to make a big creative sign and go to your local city hall, Mormon temple, or Roman Catholic cathedral basilica this Saturday, November 15 for a national day of protest. You can find specific information about any planned protests in your hometown here. In California the demonstrations began spontaneously immediately after the results became known and continue to this day, especially in the gay-friendly areas of West LA and the San Francisco Bay. A protest at the Mormon temple in Manhattan, NY also attracted thousands on Wednesday, November 12.

If public demonstrations aren't your thing but you still want to express your feelings about this perversion of democracy, you can chat with a Mormon missionary online. Fun questions to ask might include, "Which version of traditional marriage is most traditional, the one where there is one woman and one man or the one where there is one man and as many girls and women as the man can afford or keep captive?" Or, "Why do you hate gay people and want to steal their human rights and dignity when Jesus said to love everybody as you would yourself?" You can also feel free to boycott the states of California and Utah, the former being much more difficult than the latter.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Personnel cut-backs at local newspapers become increasingly evident

This characteristically alliterated blurb for a local Martha Stewart book signing ran in today's Daily News. Although the prose is perky and fun, it makes our "doyenne of domesticity" sound as if she's not a native speaker of English. Also, note the lack of punctuation at the end of the second paragraph from last, which could not be highlighted because it's not there. One has to wonder if they laid off all their proofreaders during the most recent round of layoffs.

It's time to take down the Halloween decorations

A 90-year-old woman has been living with the corpses of her deceased siblings for years, one of whom was last seen in the early 80s. Foul play is not suspected despite the presence of foul vapors. Lawyers for the RNC plan to file suit to determine if, or how often, each of the deceased voted in the past seven presidential elections.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Californians pervert the machinery of democracy to abet religious extremists in an obsessive drive to re-secure special legal status

The state of California, second in the United States following Massachusetts to ensure legal equality for all of its citizens, has suffered a temporary legal set-back in the form of a confusing, discriminatory, and punitive ballot initiative that was funded in no small part by Christian extremists from other states, including the Church of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) in Utah. Although California election officials have not finished counting all the votes, the Christian extremists have already claimed victory in their obsessive drive to re-secure special rights for themselves and those who share their ancient, superstitious beliefs regarding the consensual sexual behavior of legally competent adults. Despite numerous appeals, it appears likely that California's gay and lesbian citizens will once again, at least temporarily, be designated second-class citizens to appease Christian extremists.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Perhaps allowing an 8-year-old to fire an Uzi is to the Second Amendment what allowing one to read Hustler would be to the First Amendment

Perhaps not. Setting all subjective moral beliefs aside, however, in the United States of America it is actually legal to allow a young child to fire an Uzi while allowing one to read Hustler would most certainly provide legal grounds for an inquiry from Child Protective Services likely to result in diminished parental rights and/or jail time. The adults who allowed this horrific shooting death to occur are as likely to face jail time as Hustler is to go out of business.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Bush-Cheney junta fires a parting shot at hungry kids in Philadelphia

According to the Inky, the Bush-Cheney junta is apparently not satisfied with the economic hardships it has already inflicted upon middle and lower income Americans. Now they want to eliminate Philadelphia's school breakfast and lunch programs to ensure that more of the most vulnerable members of our society will now face even more hunger and deprivation. It's disgusting but not surprising.