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Open Wide

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

John "Maverick" McCain Selects a Bigotted Psycho Nazi Jesus Freak for His Running Mate

Her name is Sarah Palin, and she believes that American women should cede control of their genitalia and reproductive organs to a cabal of straight, white, male, hypocritical perverts in Washington who have become obsessed with controlling the sexual behavior of a nation of nearly 300 million people in order to make it conform to their own warped superstitious beliefs[, which allegedly have something to do with orthodox Christianity]. She believes that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people are less than human and do not deserve the equal protection of our legal system. She [is rumored to have] faked her seventeen-year-old daughter's first pregnancy by pretending it was her own fifth pregnancy and has now coerced that same daughter into bearing a second [or first] child before she is old enough to vote and into marrying its adolescent, teen-aged father under planetary public scrutiny. She is opposed to birth control. She thinks it's ethical to shoot wolves and bears from airplanes for state-subsidized sport, and she spent almost half a million dollars of those same federal subsidies illegally attempting to influence the outcome of an Alaskan referendum on that same issue. She spent federal subsidies instead of Alaskan tax dollars, which would also be illegal, because Alaska receives more federal money than its citizens pay in federal taxes than any other state and could never exist as a populated American territory if it were not for those diverted tax dollars, which are excised from the hard-working and economically productive citizens of places like New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, Rhode Island, and Delaware. Sarah Palin is also willing to allow beluga whales and polar bears go extinct if it means we can prolong our nation's unhealthy addiction to fossilized dinosaur shit for a few more weeks or months. She is a former "beauty queen," and her executive political experience is limited to running a state with fewer people than most campgrounds in the Northeast regularly accommodate on summer holiday weekends with less environmental damage (and also without the benefit of federal subsidies). There are no links in this post because no one could make this shit up.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I couldn't nor would I want to add anything more.